Band-aids

"I'm okay. I'm getting better."

I can't even count how many times I've said this over the past year and a half, but I could probably count on one hand the number of times it's been true.

I have had scrupulosity for the last two years. When a person is scrupulous, they see sin where there is no sin. Everyday is a battle against yourself, fighting invisible monsters and waging impossible wars. It completely takes over your life.

My scrupulosity is heavily based in another issue I have: OCD. I've had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder since I was six, but in ninth grade the scrupulosity started. In order to get rid of it, I have to deal with the OCD.


This means therapy. Which is long and hard and scary. It's a painful process, and I'm not excited about it.

I'm so not excited about it that I'd almost rather continue coping with everything just the way it is. I'd rather keep on keeping on with my head down and my heart closed and continue hurting, just so I don't have to face it.

It's like putting a band-aid on your scraped knee while you're bleeding to death from a wound in your side.


I think we all do this in some way or another. It's a cultural epidemic. We ignore the responsibilities that keep piling up in favor of mindless occupations which do nothing to enrich our lives. We drink cups upon cups of coffee instead of going to sleep a little earlier. We bury our faces in our phones rather than speak to the person directly across from us because it might just be uncomfortable.

In an even more dangerous way, we do this with our souls. We drown out the whispers of our conscience with the noise of the world. We rationalize our sins so we don't have to abandon them. We avoid prayer like the plague and then wonder why we're miserable.

We treat the symptom, not the cause. We're putting band-aids on our hearts, and it's killing us.


Jesus doesn't do band-aids. He does healing. The Bible is full of stories of how He stopped the hurting and slayed the demons. Everywhere He went, He healed, and He healed completely.

He didn't tell the blind men, "You'll kind of, sort of think you can see." He didn't tell the lepers, "You'll be clean for a while, but the sores will  come back when you let your guard down.". He didn't tell the lame, "You don't get to walk, but you can hop on one foot if you tug on your left ear."

He told them their sins we're forgiven and they were made whole.

Jesus doesn't do delusions. He doesn't do temporary fixes, and He doesn't do conditions. He does real, total, generous renewal.

Go read John 11:1-44. What more proof do we need that Jesus can tackle all our bumps and bruises? He raised a dead man! Surely He can bring us back to life as well.


So, we have two options when it comes to how to deal with our wounds. We can either keep putting on the band-aids and hoping they'll go numb, or we can give them to Jesus and let them go away.

A band-aid is a short-term solution. Believing that somehow it's going to take care of something that truly needs stitches is believing in a lie. It's a rip off that eventually will need to be ripped off. And that will probably hurt more than healing ever would.

Jesus won't heal you halfway. He'll make you new. That doesn't necessarily mean you won't have to do anything, but it does mean you'll never have to do it alone.


Therapy is long and hard and scary. It's a painful process and that's okay. It's what Jesus wants to use to heal me, and ready or not, it's time to let Him. The band-aid's coming off.


What about you? Where are you covering up your problems instead of confronting them? What are you hiding from your Healer because your embarrassed or scared or think you can handle it? You wouldn't try and set a broken bone yourself. Don't try to mend your broken heart.


Peace be with you.
Caitlin