God's Plan vs. Mine

This verse kept coming back to me. It haunted me, even in the daylight.

It persisted and demanded to be taken seriously-not brushed off or ignored as merely consoling words of comfort. I think we have all heard this verse a lot, which is why I failed to realize its significance in my life. 

When I really think about this verse, I realize that those plans that God has for me look nothing like the plans I have for me. 

For instance, a popular thing to do in Christian circles is to write down a list of qualities or traits that you would like in a husband. The goal is to know what you value and to help you stick by those values.

I cannot even write out that list. Every time I try and think about it, I write down attributes of whatever particular guy I like at the time. 

I try to tell God, "This is the man I would like. Now change your plans." 

I am a planner, a controller. I want to make my own plan and follow it. For me, not having a plan is really scary. The problem is that my plan is just that: mine. It is not God's. 

Time and time again in my life I have wanted something and not gotten it. I did not want something bad, I wanted something good. Each time my desire faded and I was left without. 

Every single time without fail, when this has happened, something way better has occurred in my life. Something totally unexpected and way better than I could have ever imagined. 

I can just imagine God saying "See, this is my plan...and it is way better than yours!" (Yes, He has sass.)

Still, every single time, I doubt him. 

I doubt him because I know pain. I know disappointment, as does anyone who has really lived. I write this to say that it is hard. 

Life is hard. Trusting in God's plan in the midst of it all; That is hard.

Trusting in God's plan is something that I fail at, all the time. Still, I choose to trust in God's plan for me, even when I do not know it.

You are so loved!

~Emily